High Jinks
A retired Texas game warden, Stanley McDonough, catches a group of high-school-age kids drinking in a park he's patrolling — and makes the one with the beer bottle stashed in his shorts pay for it, one jumping jack at a time.
Stanley McDonough was a warden for the Texas State Game and Fish Department before he retired. One of his jobs was to check a park where complaints had been lodged of students drinking and disturbing the fee-paying regulars. On one trip in, driving a department pickup, Stanley rounded a curve and saw a group of high school age kids who appeared to be drinking and he could plainly see a beer bottle in one boy's hand. When they spotted the government truck the ones sitting at a table were able to hide their drinks but the one facing Stanley and standing had little choice or time. He slid it behind his belt and into his shorts.
Stanley walked up to them, asked them how they were doing, and if any were drinking alcohol. "No sir, no sir," they replied together, "we just come here to picnic and enjoy the outdoors." Stanley complimented them then asked the boy with the beer bottle in his shorts if he would walk back to the pickup with him and show him some identification. The boy readily agreed. When they were standing on the driver's side, Stanley said, "You look like an athletic type to me, I'll bet you can really run and jump." The young fellow said he went in for sports but he wasn't a runner. Stanley went on, "I'd like to see how high you can jump." There was a pause and Stanley asked him, "Will you jump for me?" The kid barely put space between his shoes and the ground. "I know you can do better than that," Stanley advised him. The next time the boy went a little higher and a wet spot appeared on his shirt and trousers. "Hey, that was pretty good, let's try it again." With that urging and knowing his goose was cooked he leaped at least two feet and when he landed, beer foam was spewing out between buttons of his shirt and his trousers were wet to the knees. Stanley patted him on the back and dismissed him, "You're sweating pretty hard, son, I guess I'd better let you get back to your friends." The kid grinned and replied, "Thank you sir, you can be sure that none of us will bring any alcohol in this park."